The Origin of Love
by Onlytowriteprompts
Summary: Blaine Anderson is the new Berlin Wall. When the role of Hedwig was handed to him, he didn't realize that he would meet his soulmate - again. Will there be a new beginning for them now?
1. Chapter 1

**The Origin Of Love**

Blaine as Hedwig. AU, Klaine didn't get together the second time.

 _so they could watch all around them as_

 _they talked while they read_

 _and they never knew nothing of love_

Blaine sat in his dressing room, staring at the mirror and taking in his reflection. He tried to focus on his breathing, drawing long, deep breaths and letting them out through his mouth, trying to stop his body from curling in on itself. He was nervous, excited, vulnerable – he never expected Hedwig to take him by storm, never expected to return to a life he once ran from and the lights he basked under, and certainly never expected to feel one with a fictional character and let her creep under his skin and flash through his blood.

He stood up, smiling at Valerie and smoothing her sleeve out with his glitter-covered fingers. "Excited?" he asked softly, grinning when she nodded and shivered a little. "Feels strange, doesn't it? It's been three weeks and every night feels like the first one all over again. I don't think I'll ever get over this feeling." Valerie laughed and mumbled about his high heels, pressing the top of his head a little to coax the wig into settling snugly around his head.

He was grateful for Valerie, glad that she was the Yitzak to his Hedwig. Three years of loneliness and absences has made him grateful for every friendship he had formed along the way and Valerie was precious to him. He let himself look at the mirror once again, then offered her his arm. "Ready to bring down the Berlin wall?"

He felt limp and spent at the end of the show, hunching over in his chair as his makeup was removed. While it was exhilarating donning Hedwig's skin, bringing himself back to Blaine drained him, left him longing for her shadow again. Once he was done, he changed quickly into street clothes and nodded at Valerie. Stage door was the best and worst time for him – he was so grateful to the people who acknowledged his talent on stage and wanted to talk to him, yet he was tired of looking into the crowd and not seeing anybody who knew _him._

He tried to show how indebted he was to every single one of his fans. He smiled, posed for pictures, and accepted the fan art and compliments with grace.

Except for today.

Today, it was all he could do not to break down and let himself out.

Today, a pair of glasz eyes stared at him out of a beloved face, holding out a playbill to sign.

His breath caught in his throat, but he quickly swallowed around that and took the playbill, shakily writing something down on it that he couldn't even make out, hands trembling as he avoided eye contact. He couldn't look up, he didn't know why. Maybe he was being pulled in two, maybe he never got over his first love, and maybe he was never meant to. Maybe he was meant to walk away, to run till he could be someone else. Maybe he should not be so affected by things that were meant to be lost anyway.

He returned the playbill back, nodding. "Kurt," he whispered, looking up. But he wasn't there anymore.

 _I'll split them right down the middle_

 _gonna cut them up in half_

Valerie threw a worried glance at him and all too soon, he was being yanked away, led back into his dressing room and pushed into his chair, his head between his legs, his chest heaving as his lungs tried to pull in the air he so desperately needed to live. Valerie was whispering to him, but he could hear nothing over the rush of blood in his ears. Did he see Kurt? Was that Kurt? His mind must be playing games with him again – seeing him where he was not, feeling him when he was miles away. Maybe this was what it felt like when going insane.

 _he was looking at me, I was looking at you_

 _you had a way so familiar, I could not recognize_

 _because you had blood in your face_

 _and I had blood in my eyes_

They had gone to war with each other and slashed away blindly with the only weapons they had found – words and feelings and abandonment. He'd felt like a survivor for so many years now – he'd survived the crushing heartache, turned it around and walked into success. His career had taken off about a year ago, built up and moved higher to where he was right now. He had finally sorted it out and figured it out. Now he was left wondering, in this one single moment, if he did survive at all.

"Valerie? I… I think I want to go home now," he whispered.

Valerie stood up, giving him her hand, holding on sturdily, like she knew that she was the only one anchoring him to the ground right now. "Of course, sweetheart," she smiled softly. "We can go together, okay? I'll drive you."

He pulled her closer, surprising her with a tight hug. "Thank you. I don't think I ever say that enough."

The ride home was silent and gave him a chance to pull himself together. Kurt had been there at his show, had met him, but not a word was spoken. He had made a conscious choice to come to the show. Blaine wondered how he had even managed to pull it off without anybody noticing him – playing the lead in a multitude of hit Broadway shows, winning an Emmy, and starting the successful fashion line 'KH' had hardly left him devoid of the spotlight.

"Aren't you going to invite a girl in for a nightcap?" Valerie asked rather loudly, breaking him from his thoughts when he realized that they had reached the apartment.

"Well, a nightcap is good. I was hoping for a little more than that, though – maybe a movie and some cuddles?" he asked, trying not to sound pathetic.

Vera stared for a while. "Well, I do want to watch Tangled for the hundred and twenty seventh time, I think. And my cuddles are the best, Anderson. Soon, you'll be paying me to be a professional cuddler."

Blaine just laughed, leading the way in.

 _And all this while, one name resonated in his head. Kurt. Kurt. Kurt._

 _that's the pain that cuts a straight line_

 _down through the heart_

 _we call it love_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

 _I'm all sewn up_

 _A montage_

 _I'm all sewn up_

The end of his run as Hedwig was hectic, emotional and exacting. He missed being her already, missed the exuberance of the stage and the tangible connection to the audience. He had also desperately avoided the urge to message or call Kurt, dodging the feeling of having missed something that was once vital to him, like the air that he needed to breathe, but was now expendable.

There was no shaking it off now and as he sat in his apartment in his pajamas and a cup of tea clenched tightly between his palms and pulled out all the old pictures of a life that had gone by even as he desperately tried to forget it. Photographs strewn around him, he sat in the middle and surveyed the moments that had made him and broken him all at once. Kurt, Sam, Mercedes, Tina, Rachel, Burt, Carole, Finn, the Warblers, the New Directions – they had all shaped his life irreversibly.

 _Inside I'm hollowed out  
Outside's a paper shroud  
And all the rest's illusion_

His phone beeped and he jumped, disturbed from the reverie that he had allowed himself to indulge in. He peered at the bright screen, an undefinable feeling tingling at his fingertips and tugging at his chest when he saw the message.

'Hi Blaine. This is Kurt, in case you'd lost my number. I just wanted to say that you were incomparable as Hedwig. I could really feel everything that she was trying to convey – and that's something really special to communicate, Blaine. Congratulations on a great run. –KH'

And that's how he signs off, Blaine noticed. He's an icon now, identified only by two letters – KH.

He thought about his response for more than half an hour before he settled for just a 'Thanks. That's kind of you. –B'

"Why are you doing this to me? What is it about you that can reach out to me and make every word seem more than special? Why is it that you're the only one with the power to make me feel so… disjointed?" was what his actual answer was, whispered into the spaces of his surrounding, bouncing off the walls with absolutely no response.

He felt the phone buzz in his hands again.

'I was wondering if you would like to get coffee sometime? If you're still in the city and free for an evening. –KH'

Blaine stared at the screen till his vision became blurred.

'Okay. Let me know if you're free on Monday. –B'

With that done, Blaine put his phone down and lay down on the bed, burrowing under the covers and wishing that he didn't ever have to come out.

Monday evening found Blaine walking down to the coffee place around the corner, a little place that was welcoming and reasonably private. Kurt was waiting for him outside. He looked fabulous as ever, his tight jeans hugging his long legs like a second skin and his shirt hanging off wider shoulders than Blaine remembered. Blaine looked down at himself, conscious of the fact that he wasn't really dressed in the latest fashion, though his body was fit enough because of the rigorous training as Hedwig.

"Hi," he said softly, taking in the subtle differences to Kurt's beloved face – the deepened laughter lines at the edge of his eyes, the worry lines between his brows. Kurt seemed to take a minute to give him the same look, documenting the subtleties of time before dropping his eyes. "Hi," he responded. "How are you doing?"

"Good," Blaine shrugged, nodding toward the café. They walked in and sat at a small table at the back of the room. "What about you?"

"Good, too," Kurt responded, his fingers twined together, thumbs rapping at the wood on the table with a slight rhythm. "It's good to see you. You look good." He focused for a few silent seconds on a small stain on the table's smooth surface before looking up again. "I… saw your performance. Hedwig. You were exceptional on that stage. Guess the siren call of Broadway finally pulled you in, huh?"

Blaine twitched a little, leaning back in his chair and nodding. "Yeah, it was a good offer. I kinda… fell off the grid for a while. Got a couple of smaller roles a little over a year and a half ago. It's been an upward trend since then." He shifted a little, not sure how to act. He was acutely aware of everything around him and his own self and he tried not to fidget. "You've taken the world by storm as you've always wanted to do. Broadway, Hollywood. I've watched a couple of your movies, I really enjoyed them. And of course – KH."

Kurt nodded, a delicate bow of his head that left Blaine with a sharp pang in his chest as his eyelashes swept the tops of his cheeks. "Yeah – I figured that I didn't need to sacrifice one to do the other. I was lucky enough to be offered the best of both worlds."

"Why are you here?" Blaine blurted out suddenly, cheeks coloring when he realized that he was being abrupt. But really, he didn't know what was happening and he felt like jumping out of his skin with every move and every word they exchanged. Kurt would forgive him for the interruption, surely – Blaine was, after all, the boy who had caught his hand and sang Teenage Dream to him when they had barely known each other.

Kurt didn't seem to anticipate that question, eyes shooting up to meet his. He sighed a little, leaning forward. He seemed nervous and resigned at the same time, a strange combination that made Blaine more uncomfortable than he had been.

"Well, I just wanted to see you, I guess. It's been too long… when I saw you doing Hedwig, I just… I guess I wanted to catch up with you." He seemed like he was evaluating the weight of each of his words, speaking a bit slower. "I… I missed you."

 _A random pattern with a needle and thread  
The overlapping way diseases are spread  
Through a tornado body  
With a hand grenade head  
And the legs are two lovers entwined _

Blaine stared at him for a couple of seconds and then stood up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He felt like he had been waiting for so long, waiting for Kurt to remember him and miss him, for Kurt to even be conscious of his absence. Now, it all seemed a bit anticlimactic. Blaine couldn't – wouldn't – feel anything about this. He had built up his life, brick by brick, and he wasn't going to let one moment of nostalgia from Kurt wreck him. Because for Kurt, that's all it was – he had seen the show and remembered Blaine, had thought that it was a good idea to catch up with an old friend.

For Blaine, it was heartache. And he wasn't ready for this.

"I… I've got to go," he told Kurt, willing his voice not to shake. "I've got this… audition thingie and… yeah. I'm sorry."

And then he was gone, wondering how many steps he could take in the right direction before turning back and gazing upon everything he'd lost and never gained back.

 _The automatist's undoing  
The whole world starts unscrewing  
As time collapses and space warps  
You see decay and ruin  
I tell you "No, no no no"  
You make such an exquisite corpse"_


	3. Chapter 3

He didn't know how the worst and the best things in life always repeated themselves in a cycle, how karma ran amok and made a fool out of him. There was no other reason Kurt would be outside his door on a Thursday morning despite the pouring rain outside, looking beautiful and vulnerable and slightly put out, shaking out the droplets clinging to his umbrella.

It took a few seconds for Blaine to remember his words. "Kurt. You… why are you here? What is it?" he asked, knowing that he was being rude. God, if only your parents could see you now, Blaine.

Kurt stared down at the carpet. "Umm… after you left, I got to thinking – Blaine, I… I wanted to talk to you. Give me five minutes, Blaine, just five minutes of your time. I want to explain, though I know that there is absolutely no good reason for me abandoning you like that. I know it's been years now and we're different people, different lives. But I want you to know how I felt, how I feel now. Just… it's not too much. Five minutes, and I'm out of your life forever after that, if you want."

Blaine stood there, contemplating how much the decision he was taking would turn out to hurt him. But there was no choice in this matter – it would always be Kurt who tore him apart and stitched him together, after all - so he sighed and stood aside, letting Kurt in. He headed to the kitchen to make them both some tea – there was no way this was working without some soothing chamomile and something his hands could hold onto so he wasn't digging his nails into the arms of his couch. He took the time to settle himself down, trying to think clearly through the haze of anger and hurt that had taken him over in a matter of minutes. How did Kurt even think that leaving him in the lurch in the middle of planning for their wedding even had an explanation that would justify anything?

 _God only knows  
Why I don't just retreat  
'Stead of riding the rails  
Back to the place of my worst defeat_

Blaine felt like a stupid bride who, not seeing that the boy she loved didn't share that same devotion, had been left at the alter. And perhaps, in many ways, he was. He returned to the living room and offered Kurt some tea. Nobody was getting any coffee right now.

Kurt took the cup he was offered tentatively, and Blaine smiled, shaking his head. "Not going to poison you, you know." He sat down and pulled his feet up to the seat. "Okay. I did offer you five minutes. Your time can start now."

He kept his face neutral at this point, not willing Kurt to see how much this was affecting him, how much Kurt's very presence sank into Blaine's bones and fought to stay there, drown in his marrow and spread futile love through his blood.

"It's been years, and maybe I'm dredging up something that shouldn't be, but - I was stupid," were the first words to spill out. Blaine bit his lip as he kept his eyes on Kurt's face. "I was so scared, Blaine. Too young and foolish, I suppose. We were having all of these issues, we couldn't live together without fighting, and I was too… I wasn't in the right place in my head. I was trying to prove myself to a world that hated me, that hated us." He leaned back in his seat, staring ahead of him with unseeing eyes.

"I thought New York was going to be my escape, Blaine. I was teased, hated, bullied in Ohio and all my dreams of New York were of freedom and acceptance. And it was, for a long while. Until… that thing in the alley. Something changed in me after I saw that ugliness didn't have a geographical home. It seeped into any crevasse it could find. I couldn't reconcile it in my head. And the only way for me, or so I thought at that time, was to be better at everything than everybody else. To be steel."

Blaine understood, he really did. His own experiences had shaped him and he hated the fact that Kurt had been hurt deep and hard. "And so what?" he whispered, voice hoarse as he tried to stop the next words from falling out. "So you went and became steel and then decided to break me to prove how strong you were?"

 _Running head on  
To things that knock me down  
Over again  
He picked me off the ground  
And I wasn't strong enough to fight_

Kurt shook his head and Blaine's heart pinched to see a sheen of tears in his beautiful eyes. "No, Blaine. But I did anyway, didn't I? I broke the most precious thing in my life because I was unwilling to let it build me up. And I lost you. I just… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you like that, I just… I don't know. Please believe me, Blaine." Kurt was crying now, his tears falling down his cheeks and running down his chin.

"I don't know what you want me to say," Blaine said, surprisingly dry eyed through the whole few minutes. "I… I have forgiven you, Kurt. I'm not saying that to make you feel better, I really did. But… I haven't forgotten, and I don't know how to do that."

Kurt wiped at his face and turned red, swollen eyes on him. "I'm not asking you to. I'm so… I'm grateful for your forgiveness. I really am. I wanted to apologize, I hated myself for what I did to you. I'm sorry. I… things have changed a lot now. I've realized – learned many lessons that came at such a heavy cost. But I just wanted to ask you to forgive me."

"And you're forgiven," Blaine said softly, standing up.

Kurt stood up too, looking slightly disappointed and trying not to let himself cry again. "Sorry, I think I kinda… overstayed my welcome. Thanks. For letting me explain. I know it's not good enough, but thank you for giving me the chance."

Blaine nodded again, walking with Kurt to the door. He couldn't say anything, he wouldn't. He hated talking when he knew that he would regret every word later.

Blaine nodded when Kurt picked up his umbrella. And in that next second, he was wrapped in a hard embrace, he had no time to compose himself or even imagine that it was coming. Kurt was hugging him so tight that Blaine felt like his bones would jump out of his skin. A few seconds passed, and then his arms were coming up and wrapping around the man who had been his love for so long.

"Goodbye, Kurt."

 _Try not to be strong  
Cry 'til it's all gone  
If you hold me tight  
In your arms tonight  
Oh my love_

The pillow on Blaine's bed was soaked with loneliness, regret, memories, beauty and tears that night.

" _Goodbye, Kurt."_


End file.
